Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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