mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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