you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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