My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
