you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
