Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
