the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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