wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I wanna passion pit in your ass
high people should be assigned attendants
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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