Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
