i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
