I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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