Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
