I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
