he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
