Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
