fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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