Sponge bath it is.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
