Already got asked if we're dating
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
