i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
