it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
