weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
