wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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