my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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