I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
