Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
