love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
