Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
