so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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