First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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