I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Ladies don't puke and tell
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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