I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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