You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
