Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
