I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
