I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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