Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Come share oat with me in your robe
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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