Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
