just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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