dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
