I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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