I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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