at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
