He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The police scanner is talking about you again....
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
