When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
