1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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