So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
