So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
