Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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