is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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