New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
