I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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