I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
