Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
