You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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