I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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